Think about the last time you were at a social gathering with people you didn’t know. Think about the last time one of them approached you, or you approached them—and whether the person was older or younger than you, whether they were more established, whether they were an imposing authority figure like a boss, or whether they were a cute guy/girl you were interested in.
Now think about the things you talked about: where you were from, your hobbies, some observation about the gathering. There’s a lot you might have talked about, but there’s one imposing question that comes up over and over in this situation, and it’s one that’s caused an insane amount of stress for me as well as for other creative people:
What do you do?
People Ask About Your Job Not Just Out of Curiosity, But to Make Judgements About You
For people in the working world, the “What do you do?” question comes up a lot, but for college students it comes up too, both with the “What’s your major?” question (which allows the asker to differentiate between, say, a Sculpture major and a Civil Engineering major) but in the dreaded “What are you doing after graduation?” question, which can cause of lot of pressure for people who don’t have an important-sounding job lined up or aren’t sure what they want to do.
I was lucky in that during my last semester of college I was hired for an environmental internship at a lake protection agency starting after graduation. Even though I’d only taken like, two biology classes ever, I’d spent the previous two summers working with the agency as a boat-checker, and knew their main program from the inside. It was the first and only job I applied for and I scooped up the chance.
Knowing I had that job ready to go after graduation not only eased some of my senior-year worries in what was already an incredibly stressful time, it made conversations with parents, relatives, other students, and strangers a whole lot easier:
Random Person: So, what are you going to do after graduation?
Me: Actually, I’m starting an environmental internship with a lake protection agency in New Hampshire.
Random Person: (who probably doesn’t know anything about lake protection) Wow, sounds great!
Now imagine how this scenario might play out for people don’t have an important-sounding job lined up for after graduation:
Random Person: So, what are you going to do after graduation?
Me: Well, uh, I’m not really sure yet, but I’m planning on figuring it out!
(or)
Me: I’m thinking to go for something in [insert career goal] or maybe [insert other career goal], and my friend and I are thinking about moving to [insert cool city, possibly with super-high rents] but we haven’t really decided yet…
(or)
Me: Well, uh, I figured I’d go back to my old job at [insert menial summer job] while I look for something in [insert actual career goal], because I really want to…
Random Person: (vaguely patronizingly, as if talking to a small child) Well, I’m sure you’ll find something soon. (Later, secretly, to themselves) Wow, what a loser!
Having a quick, easy-to-recite job to answer people’s questions not only keeps the conversation flowing, it presents you as someone who has their shit together, is organized, and is going places, regardless of what kind of person you really are. On the flip side, because people (unfortunately) relate the job you work to your social status, not having a job, or not having a job that makes you seem successful, can elicit awkwardness at the very least and critical judgements about your abilities and character at the very worst—in short, it can make you seem like a fool.
Or at least, that’s what it feels like in the moment.
Having a Quick Answer to the “What Do You Do?” Question Makes Life a Whole Lot Easier
I teach English in Japanese elementary schools now, so when I meet people either in person or online, it’s pretty easy to answer the “What do you do?” question, either in English, or with a quick Eigo no sensei desu. I don’t necessarily mention my writing, my editing work, or my creative aspirations with people I’m meeting for the first time, because these more fundamental aspects of my character don’t always convey a positive impression. Instead, after I’ve revealed my Day Job and allowed the person to make some quick assumptions about who I am, the conversation can proceed smoothly to other topics.
At other times in my life, though, answering this question wasn’t so easy. I either had to stutter and admit that I didn’t really have a job at all, or explain that I worked in a greenhouse, painted houses, or moved bales of hay on a goat and horse farm. Since these jobs seemed to clash with what people were expecting (again, check out my post on how we associate jobs with social status), I then had to explain what I really wanted to do, or what I was hoping to do—which sounded like I was making excuses because I hadn’t achieved that thing already.
Finding yourself in this situation is stressful because no one wants to feel judged or inferior in social situations, and it can cause worry, insecurity, and low self-esteem. For me, it was particularly embarrassing to answer the “What do you do?” question in potential dating situations, since girls weren’t likely to be impressed by a guy who’s juggling part-time work without health insurance.
I found out right away that one of the many reasons to have a full-time Day Job that came with some sort of social status was that it made these conversations a hell of a lot easier and let me present a version of myself that was more in line with the person I wanted to become. I can’t necessarily tell the person about my creative aspirations because said aspirations haven’t amounted to sustainable bill-paying income yet, so maintaining a presentable Day Job is the next best way to avoid people’s critical judgements.
Here’s the kicker, though: if I were more secure in who I was and had achieved more success in my creative work, I wouldn’t need the crutch of a fancy-sounding Day Job to present to people. I feel more confident in my creative work than I did when I was, say, 25, but I still feel more comfortable falling back on my Day Job as my working identity when it comes to presenting who I am, especially to non-creative people.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Let the Cover Story Overwhelm You
Living a double life where you work on secret creative aspirations while using your Day Job as a cover story can be incredibly stressful over the long-term, since it forces you to hide who you are, or pretend to be something you’re not. Worse still, though, is the very real possibility that your Day Job identity can overcome your creative work identity, until your Day Job becomes gradually more important and the creative work you used to be passionate about fades into the background and gets lost.
I’ve managed to avoid this trap by never working a full-time job for more than two years (fun fact!), since whenever I started feeling too settled in my Day Job I knew it was time to leave. The danger of moving too far in a direction I didn’t want to move in was very real to me, and whenever I saw this happening I knew it was time to reorient myself on a new path.
I’ll end on this piece of advice: Having an impressive-sounding Day Job makes a great cover story, but you should never let the cover story become who you really are.