When I first started this blog my main goal was to write about aspects of the Creative/Day Job life I knew super-well and wanted to share with the world. I knew my perspective on balancing writing with earning actual, folding money would resonate with a lot of people, and I wanted to help younger creative types who were just starting out and weren’t as grounded in how to achieve their goals.
I jotted down a bunch of ideas for topics I felt like I was a master of, and for my first year of blogging I mostly shared my wisdom about stuff like this:
- Why You Should Turn Your Phone Off During Worktime (I swear by this one!)
- How to Show People You’re Serious About Your Creative Work
- How Living Frugally Leads to More Freedom
- How to Avoid Unpaid Overtime
- Tips for Paying Off Debt and Sticking With It
As more time passed, however, I also found myself writing about the times when things weren’t going so well, and recently I’ve been posting more stuff like this:
- Causing myself a bunch of stress by not unclogging my shower drain
- Taking on too much and feeling burned out
- Getting sick and falling behind on a bunch of stuff
- Wasting a bunch of time when I first got to Japan
- Going back to my test-grading Day Job when I didn’t need to and wasting a bunch more time
- Not working on my novel for 3 months
I’ve since come to realize the reality of my situation as a writer, a Day Jobber, and a blogger: that while I’ve gotten really, REALLY good at managing a lot of aspects of my life, I still face a lot of challenges and have a long way to go.
And that’s OK.
In Real Life Sometimes We’re the Master and Sometimes We’re the Student
When I lived in Japan the first time I became really interested in how the Japanese present themselves differently in different situations, not only at work and at home (as I often talk about) but in terms of their relationships with the people around them.
The gist is that Confucian thought (which originally came from China but had a massive impact on Eastern culture in general) stressed hierarchical relationships between people: father–son, older brother–younger brother, older friend–younger friend, and so on. (In real life these traditional pairings naturally include their female counterparts.) In contrast, ancient Greek thought (the cornerstone of Western culture) stressed seeing the world in terms of absolutes, and encouraged people to avoid hypocrisy by presenting themselves the same way in all aspects of their lives. (Richard E. Nisbett explains this super-well in his easy-to-read book The Geography of Thought, which you should check out right now if you’re interested in the differences between East and West.)
Anyway, while I naturally believe in the Western view of absolutes, when it comes to learning and becoming a better person, I place a lot of stock in the Confucian view. Instead of presenting yourself the same way in all aspects of your life, consider how you present yourself differently with different people who have more or less experience than you.
Here’s an example: if you’re a middle child, when you’re talking to your tougher, more seasoned older brother who’s been in your shoes before and knows a thing or two you don’t, you have to take on the attentive younger sibling role so you can learn from your older brother’s experience. But, when you’re talking to your immature, screw-up younger brother you have to become the sagelike older one who knows everything and has control over the situation, because your younger brother’s depending on you to guide the way.
The system gets a lot more complex (in a good way) when you think of it in terms of specific experience rather than arbitrary factors like age or position. In a more realistic scenario, maybe your older sister knows more about math, outdoor survival, and computer circuitboards than you do, but you’re way better at drawing, building websites, and folding fitted sheets, all of which she kind of sucks at. The key lies in knowing when to learn and when to teach.
This is a really good way to think about mentorship, because younger generations will have a LOT more trouble without more experienced veterans to guide them in genuine, helpful ways. On a personal level, it’s also a good way to keep our egos in check because even the most kick-ass, super-experienced people don’t know everything and need to learn sometimes.
I get annoyed when bloggers (or writers in general) act like they’re the absolute masters of a certain area who never make mistakes, ever. Often this is because they’re trying to sell you something, but often it seems to come from a place of insecurity, like they’re afraid people won’t take them seriously if they don’t have all the answers. Sure, these people have some amazing knowledge, but when someone also reveals their vulnerabilities, I can see that they’re a real person just like me.
All of us do this with social media too: by only showing the picture-perfect, Instagram-worthy moments of our lives, we’re subtly pretending that they represent the entire story by omitting the parts that aren’t as awesome. (How many foodies do you know who post pics of the buttered toast they scarfed down when they were late for work?)
Understanding that we’re not always going to be 100% on top of things is the best way to keep ourselves growing, improving, and moving forward, because recognizing the times when you don’t know everything is the first step to bettering yourself.
I’ll Always Try to Be Honest When I Don’t Have All the Answers
In addition to keeping my ego in check, being upfront when my creative/Day Job life isn’t going the way I want it to keeps me more connected to you, the readers. People can always sense when a writer is lying or being fake about something, while honesty brings people closer—even if we’re afraid that our vulnerabilities will drive people away.
Basically, I want you all to know when I’m struggling with the same problems you might be struggling with.
I also want to keep blogging about my not-so-perfect moments because 1)It holds me accountable by admitting them in this ridiculously public forum, and 2)Writing about them helps me understand where the problems are and how to fix them.
So just to rehash: sometimes I’m going to share some really sweet advice, and sometimes I’m going to share my struggles to figure my own shit out.
That’s because, at the end of the day, sometimes I have to be the learner and sometimes I have to be the master, just like you.
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But I Also Have a Day Job on Facebook
My Instagram where I post cool pics from Japan