(well, really like 4-5 days a week, but that made for a less catchy title)
I first started journaling seventeen years ago back in early December 2001, when I was sixteen, worked in the dairy section at my town’s grocery store, had just gotten my first car, still watched Simpsons reruns every night on Fox, and spent more time acting in school plays than writing. So why did I start journaling?
Truth is, I don’t really remember—maybe it’s that I’d entered a time in my life when I was first starting to do things on my own (getting that first car was a BIG deal) while the last remnants of my childhood were slipping away forever. Or maybe things in my life were just going really well and I wanted to record how awesome they were so I wouldn’t ever forget. Also, I won’t lie—I secretly hoped I might be famous someday and people would want to know what my high-school years were like.
My first journal was a slim brownish-red leather notebook I’d gotten a few Christmases before but never used—I’d show you a picture, but it’s buried in storage back in the States. After that I graduated to buying hardbacked journals from Borders (remember Borders??) because I had some mad still-in-high-school-without-real-bills money back then. At the time, I felt like the journals I was writing were a form of art, so I wanted them to feel special and avoided regular notebooks.
By college I’d moved on to other options—journaling less regularly, scribbling bullet points about the day in a Moleskin when I felt like it, even keeping a Livejournal (*shudder*) for everyone to see. These, however, were truncated by big gaps when I didn’t write at all, partly because I was busy, partly because it didn’t feel necessary anymore, but partly because I had roommates and was afraid of getting embarrassed if they saw me writing in a journal.
After college, though, when I was struggling to get out on my own and things weren’t so good, one night I picked up a random spiral notebook I had by my bed and started writing again, and over the next few months journaling helped me get through some bad obstacles I was going through at the time. I’ve kept up steady journaling ever since, and now instead of writing at my desk during the day I write before going to sleep while lying backwards on my bed as a way to unwind and dissect the day’s events. I use a combination of nicer journals and whatever old notebooks I have on hand, since it’s the process of journaling itself that really matters, and not so much the presentation.
But the bigger question is, why do I still keep a journal, seventeen years after I first started?
My current journal, a green softbacked Moleskin that’s served me well for the past seven months. I like it for its simple design and small lines (more room to write!).
Journaling Helps Me Understand My Life Better
If I’m feeling confused, worried, anxious, or just plain unsure about something, then I especially want to get it down on paper as a way to help me understand it. I usually start with a summary (first this happened, then that happened, etc.) so I can sort through the events on simpler terms. When I was younger I tended to dramatize things like a continuing story that people were going to read someday, but I tend not to do this now unless I’m feeling whimsical. (I do, however, use journaling as a way of playing with different prose styles and sentence structures, though I do this more to experiment than anything else.)
If recounting events helps me keep them straight, reflecting on them helps me decide what to do—I try to get to the bottom of what’s going on, why it happened, and what I could do to make it better. I do this for both good and bad events, because in a lot of ways, both are equally important in moving forward. In this sense, journaling helps me clarify my next move.
This is especially important because during the day my thoughts tend to spin all over the place in ways that make it difficult to focus, making my worries seem bigger than they really are. Putting them down on paper, though, helps clarify them, because if I can lay my problems out on the page they become more manageable and less scary.
I also tend to alternate between using first-person “I” (as in “I’ve really got to get this novel finished”) and second-person “you” (as in, “You’ve really got to get this novel finished”) when I’m writing about something I want to happen. I do this pretty naturally whenever I really want to kick myself into gear, and I remember reading a long time ago that using “you” in this way can be a pretty powerful motivator (at which point I was like, “oh I do this already lolz”). So that tends to give me more confidence.
Finally, writing in my journal before bed helps me sleep better—not only am I avoiding screen time before bed and disconnecting from the plugged-in world, but writing in a laying-down position tends to make me feel sleepy, so it’s doubly helpful for my bedtime routine.
More importantly, though, getting the day’s worries off my chest and into the journal helps them feel less pressing, like I have a better handle on them and can safely focus on getting a good night’s rest.
What’s the Bigger Picture?
I picked up journaling again during a low point in my life, and it helped me deal with a lot of problems and raw emotions I was having at the time. Writing about these problems not only helped me sort them out in my own head, but helped me move forward with future plans of action that felt clearer after writing about them night after night (“I want to start a kick-ass blog, I’ve got to think up a cool domain name for my kick-ass blog, etc.). Talking things out with friends and family I’m close to has definitely helped me through some rough patches, but since those people aren’t always around, journaling’s served as a decent substitute.
In this sense, journaling serves the same purpose for me that therapy does for a lot of people. I’m sure therapy would have helped me a lot when I was 22, but back then I wasn’t in a good position to seek it out, and journaling was one component among with many others that helped me get through it. That being said, in NO WAY should keeping a journal serve as a substitute for seeking real, professional help if things in your life have gotten bad—but if you’re looking around for ways to grab more control over your life, a journal might be worth considering.
I guess the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how you deal with those problems as long as you’re dealing with them somehow.
Final 2018 Thoughts
This is my last entry of the year and I’ll be taking a much-needed break to (fingers crossed) finish up a presentable draft of my grad school novel, do some traveling, and enjoy some serious down time. (Three cheers for end-of-the-year vacation!)
I hope everyone out there is also taking some quality creative work and relaxation time, if you can. In the meantime, enjoy a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and whatever else you’re celebrating, and I’ll catch you next year.
Don’t miss a post when I come back next year—keep in touch!
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